She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
