Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
