Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
