another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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