I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
