we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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