I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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