woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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