why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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