she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
