there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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