Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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