Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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