My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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