I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
