the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize