dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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