Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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