So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
