Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
