Umm I'm too high to move.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
