Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
