im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
