Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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