So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it because I queefed?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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