Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
