Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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