Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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