I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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