brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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