We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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