I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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