i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
