How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
