VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
