Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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