He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
