He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
