dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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