I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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