dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think your dad took our porno
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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