Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
