my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
