I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
