the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize