Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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