i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
