Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
