When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
