I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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