I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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