he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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