Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
