buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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