Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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