literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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