You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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