So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
