You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
