Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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