my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
