ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize