I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Randomize
