I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
