I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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