i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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