I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
from now on my penis is your penis
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
